As part of my attempt to live my life more meaningfully, I'm trying to raise my awareness about different charities and causes so that I feel compelled to act. I am having a hard time choosing. They all seem worthy. They all seem insurmountable. And I am selfish. When I read about different horrors, I want to hide, forget and ignore.

There are so many different categories of causes: environment, human rights, natural disasters, famine, medical research, animal rights, health, refugees... and so many more. I appreciate that giving goes a long way for the organizations that manage efforts around these issues, but I also want to understand more about the issues themselves, so that I can structure and choose my opinions and actions.

Some causes/beliefs necessitate actions in ways that make me give up something. For example, if I really believe that ozone depletion is caused by fossil fuel consumption, I should not only not drive (which is easy to do where I live so I don't quite comfortably) but I should also not fly, since flying is by far more polluting than driving. (I feel myself whining inside... but... but... I love the mobility that air travel affords. How much am I willing to put my beliefs into action?) I've also read quite a bit about the footprint caused by western cultures' meat consumption and patterns of waste. I understand the argument. I even agree with it. Again, I'm so self indulgent. I love to eat meat. It is one thing to promote, purchase and believe in organic farming but quite another to change my patterns of behavior and the amount of waste that is part of western food consumption as a whole.

When I start adding up all of the things in my life that have a negative effect on the world around me, I am overwhelmed and hide my head in the sand quite quickly. I think that I am unwilling to think about things very much, since if I really believe, there are consequences. I am, at the very least, accountable for those things I know about, aren't I? But how can I live? To be honest, I think that my willingness to be self-sacrificing is woefully limited. It is not something I like about myself.

I feel like I need to pick something. I am sadly passive. How do I choose?

What causes are you supportive of? How did you choose?

Labels: action, choices, interpreting and reinterpreting

I'm starting to think that I live more in my computer than in the real world lately. . . and that this is decidedly unhealthy. It limits my senses to sight and sound for the hours I spend staring at the screen, because while I could lick the keyboard occasionally (surely some crumbs are in there somewhere), sniff the monitor or put sandpaper and velvet on my desk to stimulate myself further, there is an unreality about living life this way. Certainly, the time I spend on my bike to and from work fills me with well-being in a way that time in front of the computer never does.

So, I am going to ration. Like any good addict, I need to withdraw gradually so that I don't get the shakes. I'm giving myself an hour a day for the next month, and then wean myself down from there.

I'm going to live. I'm going to pull out my unused brand-new running shoes and go for a wheezing run, meet up with friends, create things with my hands and paper, fabric, and food, make things for other people and myself, clean out my closet (OK, that doesn't sound appealing at all), take classes again, play my new piano (which is arriving next week!!!!), read more, and most importantly... find my muse again. (Who knows, there may be multiple muses... What do you call a male muse? I know that officially there are only the Greek ones, all women... OK, mine are called Hughs.) ... find my hughs again. (Nah. That doesn't really work does it? Clearly, my creativity needs some work.)

I've become such a hermit for the past few months, I think partly out of some strange, good, bad, hard introspection I've been subjecting myself to lately. (The computer/internet is a great escape from thinking about hard things.)

Between the blogs I visit regularly, e-mail, FB stalking, online games and comparative shopping, I add hours to the time I spend in front of the computer at work.

So, no more. I have 15 minutes left in today's allotment and I will shut down. Tonight I want to DO something. And hopefully something that I can taste, smell or touch or see and hear in a different way. I will stimulate my dormant senses, maybe eat a habanero chili pepper, blow my nose repeatedly with tears flowing down my cheeks, stuff several pieces of bread into my mouth, all the while trying to blow my nose, feel the mucus membrane on the inside of my mouth swell, touch my eye by accident ... OK, that's a bad idea. But I'll do something interesting. :)

Look back on ya tomorrow.

Here's to life.

Labels: being alive, brains, choices, interpreting and reinterpreting