I have been thinking a lot about grace lately. By grace I'm not referring to poetic movement... But more that part of ourselves that gives extra chances. That sees the damage in all of us, the faultiness, but also sees the potential for great beauty amidst ugliness or unpleasantness, and sometimes because of it.

A friend of mine once described the most incredible thing about her relationship with her husband. She said, "We heal each other every day." And as soppy as that sounds, to me this is grace: this sort of loving that knows the worst but loves anyway.

I need lots of grace from everyone who knows me. I hope I give as good as I get.

I am sometimes scattered and selfish and bold and assuming and emotional and too blunt and hiding and distracted and loud and bawdy and shy and afraid and truly angry about nothing and everything and sometimes, I am just awful.

But I also love deeply and am creative and empathetic and productive and occasionally even nurturing and I laugh easily and truly delight in the people I know since they are all beautiful in indescribable and extremely individual ways and sometimes, I am OK, and I even love myself a little. (Don't worry, I'm not breaking into some awful song at this point... bear with me.)

I just think that we all have these things in us that make us react in ways that sometimes bruise each other or even maim more seriously, that we are sometimes not doing the best we can, but we're doing that crazy dance of forgetfulness or holding it together or being purely selfish or disappointed... Our worst selves are sometimes there and embarrassing and much louder than our best selves.

And we see this worst self in others too and see them doing stupid things and saying stupid things... but that we need to have grace for those moments. And that isn't to say that we let people abuse us or take unkindness... but that we weigh it all out. And when we find that seed of empathy that grows to grace, to express it as sincerely and honestly and with as much healing as we can possibly provide. And other times we defend ourselves without being cruel, because that is just unnecessary.

Because sometimes, the ugliness isn't about the recipient. Sometimes, it's just wounds on display. I think that grace is a beautiful thing.

How this all fits into the big scheme of things, I have no idea. It's just what I was thinking about today. Thanks for listening to the babble.

Labels: being alive, beliefs, grace, interpreting and reinterpreting, moments, the soppiest blog entry *ever*